Monday, November 18, 2013
Just to update
I just wanted to pop in and update. I haven't really been dating. I have emailed with a few people a few times but nothing more than just a few emails. No dates or anything. It sucks because I am lonely and would love to have someone in my life. But at the same time I have really hated dating and just don't want to go though anymore bad dates or deal with the crap of it. I really want to take a step back and not think about dating right now but it is hard when some nights I just get lonely and miss having someone in my life.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
A Second Date
Last night I had my second date. Chad invited me over for dinner and mentioned me bringing a movie. G ended up cxling taking the kids this weekend so the kids went to my moms for the night. It was nice not to worry about what time I would have to be home. And also nice that I was able to keep my date.
We planned for me to be over at 630. Just as I was getting on the freeway I looked at the clock and realized it was 6:28. OOPS! I was late. :( I called him and he said not to worry. I got there and he met me out front and walked me back to his apartment. I love the complex. It was like something out of a fairytail. So beautiful with trees and greenery. I LOVED it! We got inside and he finished prepping dinner and we ate. After dinner he picked one of the two movies I brought and we watched it. All through the movie we both kept yawning so I wasn't surprised when he apologized afterwards and said he was too tired. He walked me back out to my car and give me a hug and said goodbye.
I repeat: He gave me a HUG and said goodbye. What does that mean?? What does it mean when a guy kisses you on a first date but only hugs you on a second??? :-/ I haven't heard from him since.
I really have to say I hate dating. :( It makes me crazy and self-conscious and self defeating. But not dating makes me realize how lonely I am. I just can't win.
UPDATE: I got this email from him tonight:
I've been thinking about it, and I think I've realized that I'm trying to move into dating a bit too quickly. I don't really do stress, and I was feeling oddly stressed about things...I think that with moving, wanting to make sure Max felt OK, easing Hazel into everything, and still needing to do a good job at work...I think I just need to slow myself down and focus on all of the changes. So yes, I think you're awesome and fun; but I think I'm getting ahead of myself, trying to date right now.
I guess that is that. (Have I mentioned I hate dating?)
We planned for me to be over at 630. Just as I was getting on the freeway I looked at the clock and realized it was 6:28. OOPS! I was late. :( I called him and he said not to worry. I got there and he met me out front and walked me back to his apartment. I love the complex. It was like something out of a fairytail. So beautiful with trees and greenery. I LOVED it! We got inside and he finished prepping dinner and we ate. After dinner he picked one of the two movies I brought and we watched it. All through the movie we both kept yawning so I wasn't surprised when he apologized afterwards and said he was too tired. He walked me back out to my car and give me a hug and said goodbye.
I repeat: He gave me a HUG and said goodbye. What does that mean?? What does it mean when a guy kisses you on a first date but only hugs you on a second??? :-/ I haven't heard from him since.
I really have to say I hate dating. :( It makes me crazy and self-conscious and self defeating. But not dating makes me realize how lonely I am. I just can't win.
UPDATE: I got this email from him tonight:
I've been thinking about it, and I think I've realized that I'm trying to move into dating a bit too quickly. I don't really do stress, and I was feeling oddly stressed about things...I think that with moving, wanting to make sure Max felt OK, easing Hazel into everything, and still needing to do a good job at work...I think I just need to slow myself down and focus on all of the changes. So yes, I think you're awesome and fun; but I think I'm getting ahead of myself, trying to date right now.
I guess that is that. (Have I mentioned I hate dating?)
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Hydrated update and a new insight
The date with Chad went well. We talked for a few hours and then it was time to go. He offered to walk me to my car. When we got to my car he kissed me. It was a good kiss... although his hand placement was weird. He held my face in his hands the whole time. Which was nice in a way but also restricted where my hands could go. I got home and texted him to thank him and we ended up texting for a while and him asking for a second date. We have texted a couple times since then. He always says he can't wait to get together again but then there are some times when I am left wondering if he really does want to. I would like to. I liked him. It was great to go on a date and actually like someone and want a second date. I am just not sure about where he is at since I am getting mixed feelings from him. I have decided to back off a bit and see what happens.
Now in finding someone that I want a second date with I have come to a new realization. Ok, maybe losing my job has some to do with it. I have thought all this time the thing I missed the most was companionship. That I really wanted a friend to go and hang out with and have fun with. Someone to be silly with or just relax with. And while I DO want all of those things I also want something more. I really think I want the whole relationship. I want someone who cares for me. Someone who can't wait to see me and while I understand that life is busy they will want to try to rearrange life to fit me in. And more than anything I want someone I can lean on. With losing my job I just really wanted someone I could cry to and be reassured. I don't need someone to take care of me. That isn't what I mean at all. I am quite capable of picking myself up and brushing myself off. In fact I hear it all the time, "You are so strong:. I heard it all through my divorce and now I am hearing it all again. I have taken the stops I needed. Requesting assistance and papering the town with my resume. But there are times when I want to be sad. When I don't want to be strong. When I just need to break down and cry a little. And I want someone there to catch me and hold me. Someone to tell me everything is going to be ok. Someone I don't have to be strong around. Someone I can be vulnerable with. Of course I have my family. And I can always cry to them and they will do all of those things. I have my friends too that will do all of that. But with my family I feel like a child when I let my guard down. And with my friends, I don't know. It just isn't the same. I am ready for a boyfriend. I am ready for a partner in life. But is life ready to give him to me?
Now in finding someone that I want a second date with I have come to a new realization. Ok, maybe losing my job has some to do with it. I have thought all this time the thing I missed the most was companionship. That I really wanted a friend to go and hang out with and have fun with. Someone to be silly with or just relax with. And while I DO want all of those things I also want something more. I really think I want the whole relationship. I want someone who cares for me. Someone who can't wait to see me and while I understand that life is busy they will want to try to rearrange life to fit me in. And more than anything I want someone I can lean on. With losing my job I just really wanted someone I could cry to and be reassured. I don't need someone to take care of me. That isn't what I mean at all. I am quite capable of picking myself up and brushing myself off. In fact I hear it all the time, "You are so strong:. I heard it all through my divorce and now I am hearing it all again. I have taken the stops I needed. Requesting assistance and papering the town with my resume. But there are times when I want to be sad. When I don't want to be strong. When I just need to break down and cry a little. And I want someone there to catch me and hold me. Someone to tell me everything is going to be ok. Someone I don't have to be strong around. Someone I can be vulnerable with. Of course I have my family. And I can always cry to them and they will do all of those things. I have my friends too that will do all of that. But with my family I feel like a child when I let my guard down. And with my friends, I don't know. It just isn't the same. I am ready for a boyfriend. I am ready for a partner in life. But is life ready to give him to me?
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Hydrated
I met Chad on OKC. We have been emailing and texting for a couple weeks. He is a English teacher for a Jr. high/high school.Tonight we have agreed to meet up for a beer. I will let you know how it goes...
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Rude. Just rude.
I have been a little more active on OKC. While on vacation I ended a night of drinking and dancing at the bar with a kiss from a guy that left me wanting more. Unfortunately our bus showed up and it was 3am and time to head back to the hotel. So I hit up the site and have been emailing, "liking" and just being more active. I talked to a guy who was interesting. But when on the phone he was a little too overwhelming for me. And then there was this guy I emailed. What and asshole!
Message
received this morning on OkCupid, “A ...Being healthy is a huge deal
to me.. So when I see someone who doesn’t take care of themselves, I
can only assume they treat the rest of things in their life the same
way. And if I was in their life it’s not the way I would want to be
treated.” Thanks asshole. Just because I am not a perfect size 2 doesn’t
mean that I don’t take care of myself. I may have a long way to go yet
but I work my freaking ass off!! And THIS, people, is the reason I hate
dating. I KNOW not every guy is like this; but most of the ones I meet
are. Jerk.
- J and C like this.
A WOW. Bet he's a real chick magnet...July 10 at 7:54am via mobile · Unlike · 2
C And now you know why he's still looking for a date...July 10 at 7:56am · Unlike · 11
T I'd write something smartass back to him. asshole.July 10 at 7:57am · Unlike · 2
J He wasn't worth the time of day anyway.July 10 at 7:57am · Unlike · 4
J Asshat.July 10 at 7:59am via mobile · Unlike · 4
M JerkJuly 10 at 7:59am via mobile · Unlike · 2- J "OK Cupid guy- when I see someone make assumptions about someone they don't know, I assume they're a jerkface and wouldn't want them in my life anyways"July 10 at 8:01am via mobile · Unlike · 11
C Yeah.. that explains why he's still on that site. What a jerk.July 10 at 8:16am via mobile · Like
C I got booted from eharmony a few years back because of my size, said the had gotten complaints & that i was simply unmatchable. Wtf?!?July 10 at 8:19am via mobile · Like · 1
A wow. eharmony can suck it.July 10 at 8:21am · Like
C Wow, what a complete idiot. So he's 'healthy', huh? Invite him to Kill a Friend at camp and we'll see how 'healthy' he is.July 10 at 8:22am via mobile · Unlike · 5- A HAHAHA! I was thinking the SAME thing C!!July 10 at 8:23am · Like · 4
- C It could be the first ever RSBC 'Don't Be An A**wipe' Workout - what good times! It would make DUN look like a little b*tchJuly 10 at 8:26am via mobile · Unlike · 3
- J Even better- "Dear OkCupid guy- Not being a presumptive, judgemental asshole is a huge deal to me.. So when I see someone be a presumptive, judgemental asshole to a complete stranger, I can only assume they treat the rest of the people in their life the same way. And if I was in their life, it's not the way I would want to be treated." BAM. Invite him to boot camp and kick his presumptive, judgemental ASS!July 10 at 8:29am · Unlike · 9
J "Actually, the reason I'm like this is because I have a tendency to put everyone else's needs before myself. You however do not have to worry because you're not worthy of such love and attention. Peace."July 10 at 8:31am via mobile · Unlike · 5- C So many great response ideas...July 10 at 8:32am via mobile · Unlike · 1
- A I DO have pretty awesome friendsJuly 10 at 8:34am · Like
- A I invited him to RSBC, "if he's not too chicken".July 10 at 8:37am · Like · 4
G A, I feel your pain. I am fed up with OKC and the bottom dweller jerks. I was stood up on the 4th of July by one of those a$$holes. Oh, and I invited another guy that I was chatting with to Kill a Friend Wednesday and the sissy pants didn't show up.July 10 at 8:40am · Edited · Unlike · 2- J Give him hell, C!July 10 at 8:40am via mobile · Unlike · 5
- C Watch out for the excuses...'I've got a bad knee, bad back, elbow, fingernail, hang nail, sore ears, it's too hot, it's too cold, I'm a lazy ass', etc...July 10 at 8:40am via mobile · Unlike · 1
- G C, the excuse I got was that there was "sudden family emergency". smhJuly 10 at 8:41am · Like · 1
- C Of course...there is always one of thoseJuly 10 at 8:42am via mobile · Unlike · 2
C What a dickbag. Seriously.July 10 at 8:45am via mobile · Unlike · 2
J A - when I was dating I met jerks too..there are plenty of them out there...you just need to sift through the bad ones to meet the 1 good one because he will stick around regardlessJuly 10 at 8:51am · Unlike · 2- C Maybe an RSBC Singles Night special event workout?July 10 at 8:53am via mobile · Unlike · 3
T Who the hell thinks a size 2 is perfect? I eat steaks bigger than thatJuly 10 at 8:54am via mobile · Unlike · 4- J LOL! Good idea CJuly 10 at 8:54am · Unlike · 1
- J oh and A I'm a size 6 and still met jerks so it's not YOU for sure!July 10 at 8:55am · Edited · Like
- G C, that is a great idea! I would help plan that event!July 10 at 9:04am · Unlike · 1
- A C, apparently he is too busy working out at the gym at 4am to attend camp.July 10 at 9:11am · Like · 1
- A He just told me that gym rats and cardio bunnies look better than me so they must be doing better things than me. Then told me not to contact him again unless it is to set up meeting and accepting his challenge: meet him at the gym and match him rep for rep and if I can hang in on his workout he will pay me $100. No, he wont meet my challenge of attending boot camp.July 10 at 9:37am · Like
C Want me to kick his ass with my 44 inch speed board. Your are beautiful in every area.July 10 at 9:40am · Unlike · 2- T how about if you match him rep for rep, he has to go to boot camp? and then you can plant a foot firmly up his ass?July 10 at 9:42am · Unlike · 2
- G A, PM that a$$holes user name to me so I can send him a piece of my mind. Ugghhh....what a jerk!!!July 10 at 9:45am · Like
- A fitnfunNphxJuly 10 at 9:48am · Like · 2
- G he doesn't even have an original user name. what a hack!July 10 at 9:52am · Like
- A His gym: MetroflexJuly 10 at 9:53am · Like · 1
- J Personally, I'd stop giving him attention and headspace. That's exactly what narcissists like him want.July 10 at 10:09am · Like · 1
L ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? WOW, run like the wind! He is SO not worthy of your time.July 10 at 10:27am · Like- C In other words, stop feeding the troll... : DJuly 10 at 10:34am · Like · 3
H Wow.. What an asshole!!!July 10 at 12:05pm via mobile · Unlike · 1
T He doesn't sound fun at all! His name should be futnjerkinphx!July 10 at 3:11pm via mobile · Unlike · 1
K Douchebag!July 10 at 4:24pm via mobile · Like
C Did you send him any reply?July 10 at 7:12pm via mobile · Like
M What an idiot and I agree with the other posters he's just looking to get a rise out of you and he's not worth the effort of your pinky finger touching the keyboard. Sad there are so many people out there like this many of us have had to deal with these narcissistic jerks.July 10 at 7:28pm via mobile · Like
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